Darkvantsen Bioengineering Project Saved By Angel Investor

LYNDON, VT—It seems like just yesterday that Lyndon State College President Joe Bertolino cut the ribbon to open their largest off-campus building ever: the Darkvantsen College of Science, just down the road from the high school with which it shares its name. Little did they know that two short years later, Darkvantsen would be host to the most exciting bioengineering project the student body had ever seen.

Students in the new science-focused Darkvantsen building were bristling with excitement as the public announcement was made: the mysterious bioengineering experiment that had been discussed among professors and post-grad students alike, spearheaded by Darkvantsen's own Charles Cave, would finally be moving forward this coming semester.

State funding for the project was reportedly cut at the eleventh hour due to ethics concerns. But, supposedly less than a day before the cancellation was to be finalized, the surprising announcement was made. They had secured full funding from what the business world calls an “angel investor“: an investor with money to spare that invests in small, promising operations, hoping to make their investment back via their shares in the growing company if it succeeds.

HazOBEO—or Hazardous Operational Byproduct Expunction Operations, if you'd like to run out of breath—is a Vermont-based operation that claims to "supercharge small-town scientific communities" by providing them with resources they wouldn't normally be able to secure: funding, equipment, logistical aid, and even legal aid ("if necessary," they were sure to add.) HazOBEO officials sent only a one-line response after we sent them three emails inquiring about details. "We don't need to go into specifics," the email said. "The project will move forward."

But not everyone was as excited about the new venture. "I don't like it," said Avery Holmes, who teaches Introductory Biology. "I just don't like it. There is a time and place for altering the pathways nature has given us, and this is not one of them. There's probably a reason state funding was declined." Holmes is not alone—despite the potentially headline-making nature of the project, many of the college's tenured professors refused to be associated with the project, and even protested at several board meetings.

Dr. Tom Hofstadter, who teaches Theory of Bioengineering to juniors and seniors at Darkvantsen, still seemed surprised days after the announcement. "I'm as surprised as you are," he told us. "I knew from day one we wouldn't be able to pull off this off on our own. Pulling off a research project of this magnitude was always a pipe dream for us, always on the horizon, but never quite actually happening. I guess we have HazOBEO to thank for making this dream a reality."

Neither Darkvantsen nor HazOBEO would disclose specifics on how HazOBEO was to be repaid, what specific equipment or help was being provided, how deeply the students would be involved, or why they felt confident they could complete this project without the approval of the ethics board.